One of the first questions many adoptive and foster parents ask is, “Will my child catch up?” It’s a question that comes from a place of deep love. When you notice your child struggling with speech, play, motor skills, or emotional regulation, it’s only natural to want to help them as quickly as possible.

During those first months home, the greatest investment you can make in your child’s development is helping them feel safe. It can feel counterintuitive when you’re worried about missed milestones, but connection is what creates the foundation for learning. As children begin to trust that their needs will be met and that they’re safe in their new family, their brains become more available for growth.

That’s why, at the Adoption and Foster Care Clinic, we don’t just look at what a child can or can’t do. We look at how they’re engaging with the world around them, because development is about so much more than checking off milestones.

When Amy Elmore, our Occupational Therapist, meets a child for the first time, she isn’t administering a standard test and assigning a score. Instead, she’s usually on the floor, observing how the child plays, communicates, moves, and connects with the people around them. Those interactions tell us far more than a checklist ever could.

One of the most helpful things families learn is the difference between a child’s chronological age and their developmental age. A child may be five years old but function more like a three-year-old in certain areas. That isn’t because they’re incapable of learning. Often, children who have experienced adversity simply haven’t had the opportunity to build the foundational skills that come before more advanced ones. Understanding where your child is developmentally helps you meet them where they are instead of where you wish they were.

Parents are often surprised to hear us say that attachment comes before therapy. It’s easy to feel pressure to schedule speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, and every other available service as quickly as possible. While those supports absolutely have their place, the first six months home are unique. During this season, your child’s most important job isn’t mastering new skills. It’s learning that they’re safe, that their needs will be met, and that they belong in your family.

That doesn’t mean development stops. In fact, some of the best developmental work happens right in the middle of everyday family life.

Reading a simple book together, working a puzzle while sitting in your lap, coloring at the kitchen table, or stacking blocks on the living room floor all become opportunities to build language, strengthen motor skills, encourage problem-solving, and deepen connection at the same time. These moments simply feel like playing, and that’s exactly the point.

One of Amy’s favorite reminders is that parents don’t have to entertain or teach for hours at a time. Even ten minutes of intentional play can be incredibly meaningful. Short, connected moments repeated throughout the day often accomplish more than long therapy sessions that leave everyone feeling overwhelmed.

It’s also important to remember that progress isn’t measured by where a child starts. We expect many children entering adoptive or foster families to have developmental delays. What we’re really watching is their rate of catch-up. As children experience safety, predictability, and nurturing relationships, we expect to see steady growth over time. If that growth isn’t happening as expected, that’s when additional therapies or evaluations become more important.

Speech is often the area that takes the longest to develop, even when everything else is going well. That can be discouraging for families, but it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. One of the simplest ways to encourage language is by slowing down. Rather than asking lots of questions or using long explanations, narrate what your child sees, pair simple words with everyday routines, and don’t be afraid to use a few signs alongside spoken language. Research consistently shows that sign language supports communication rather than delaying it.

Perhaps the most encouraging message for families is that you don’t have to become a therapist overnight. Your child doesn’t need perfection. They need a caregiver who is present, responsive, and willing to meet them where they are today.

When children feel safe enough to connect, they become free to learn. And while milestones certainly matter, they grow best from the strong foundation that attachment provides.